Perspective

Today we visited our friends Erin and Jerry in the hospital and met their precious two day-old daughter Olivia. Since Erin was seven weeks behind me, she was one of my pregnancy buddies. It was really fun to go through the roller coaster of a first time pregnancy with a friend of 17 years!

When Erin texted me Thursday night that she was in labor and they were headed to the hospital, it really brought me back. Even though I never went through labor, I was thinking about what it was like to drive to the hospital, knowing the next time I got in the car and drove home, it would be with our daughter. How surreal and scary it was to walk into the operating room and know that I was just minutes away from hearing my baby's first cry. The look of pure joy and excitement on Mike's face when he stood up and saw Lena coming out of my belly and turned to me and said "She's beautiful!" The feeling of relief and "oh I finally get to take a nap!" after Mike went into the recovery room with Lena (the spinal reeeeally relaxed me and I was struggling to stay awake). The feeling of completeness as Mike and the nurse brought Lena to snuggle against my cheek in the OR and we decided she would be Lena and not Isla.

I could go on and on. (And really need to finish writing her birth story before I forget it!)

I wouldn't say I was being nostalgic though. Because the truth is: I'm so excited Lena's getting bigger and older. I hope it goes without saying that I love my daughter to pieces. But I did not love the newborn stage - it's quite rough! I appreciate that Lena and I understand each other pretty well now. When she cries, I usually know why. I can find the rhythm she needs to put her to sleep. I love that that ability makes me feel like a good mother. I love how alert and active she's becoming. I love that she's becoming more independent. I can put her on her activity mat in her Pack N Play and she can entertain herself for 15 minutes now (I love the squeals of excitement that a hanging stuffed bird can elicit from an infant!) while I take advantage of having two hands to myself. I love that she thinks I'm the funniest person in the world at 5:30 am. I really love that she's sleeping in five hour stretches at night. It's fun to see her neck muscles getting stronger. I look forward to one day holding her on my hip while she looks around and greets the world. I can't wait for her to sit up in the tub and play with toys at bath time, or play with the dogs. I love how dang cute she is - that she looks quintessentially "baby" - and I can start to envision what she's going to look like as she gets older. It was really a trip to see Lena next to Olivia. Olivia is just a few ounces smaller than Lena was at birth and Lena looked huge and chunky-monkey next to her! I love that I'm 90% recovered from my surgery (could a return to running be in my future?) and my hormones are 90% back to normal (holy shit those first two weeks were rough!).

For now, I'm going to enjoy this "looking forward" to Lena growing up. I'm pretty sure in six months I'll be saying that time is moving too fast and she's getting too big. And when I do, please remind me to reread this post so I can make a new list of things I'm looking forward to.

I'm so excited for Erin, Jerry, and Olivia. They have so much to look forward to. Erin, over the next few weeks, time's going to feel like it's moving so slowly! But during those hard times, know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and now that I'm out of the newborn haze, it really does feel like that time passed relatively quickly!

1,000 Faces

This kid has so many different facial expressions! But they change within a millisecond. To score a funny picture of her, I need take MANY. Here's a series of pics I took trying to catch a non-blurry smile.

She's a Morning Person

Lena seems to take after both her parents in that she's a morning person (well, her dad used to be a morning person!  But it's 11 am and he's still in bed...) Our 5:30 am feedings are loaded with smiles and giggles.  The video was taken Thanksgiving morning (November 22, 2012) and the photo series was taken the next day.

Sleep

Last night Lena went seven hours between feedings.  The night before, she went six hours between feedings. Which means I got four and a half hours if sleep! In a row. I was giddy with excitement.  Could this be a trend?!  *Fingers crossed*

I've been reading a lot about infant/baby sleep and trying to set Lena up to have healthy sleep habits. It's a bit overwhelming and daunting. If you rock her to sleep now, she'll never go to sleep on her own! Put her down when she's drowsy, not asleep! Let her sleep in your room! Transition her to her own room! Let the baby cry it out! Don't ever let a baby cry it out! If you develop bad habits now, they're horribly difficult to reverse later!. I'm trying to cut us some slack and just do what works and feels natural. So far, it seems to be working. *Knock on wood*

For the past six weeks, Lena's slept in a portable crib in our room. I'm both ready and reluctant to transition her to her big crib in her own room. She grunts and sighs for 15 to 30 minutes before she fully wakes. This wakes me up and is definitely reducing the quality of my sleep. If she were in the other room, I'd only wake up when she cries and fully wakes.

Any reluctance on my part is all about my emotions (which I fully recognize is not a valid reason to delay). At first, it was about convenience. But when I wake to feed her, I need to get up, go in the other room to change her diaper, and then go on the couch to bottle and breast feed her. So there's really no difference whether she's in our room or the other room. Right now it's entirely about me feeling comforted by her being nearby. Not only does it quell my OCD (it's a lot easier to peek over the side of the bed with a flashlight to check that her blanket isn't swaddled around her too high than to walk in the other room to check, or God forbid! trust that I did it correctly and not check) but it also feels good to have her near me. We spent her first nine months with her in me and the last six weeks with her very near me. Having her nearby feels comfortable.

It's this last reason that makes me know I need to rip this band aid off. Because in seven weeks I return to work and she won't be near me for eight hours at a time (sob!). Because I never wanted to have a child sleep in our bed or even our room. Because I've had sleep issues for the majority of my life and don't want to pass them onto her,

There's a lot of responsibility that goes along with this parenting stuff ;)

 

 

Disclaimer:  I would never let her sleep like this alone.  She fell asleep while feeding and I covered her while pumping, seated on the couch right next to her.

Party of Four

Since I don't have a gym membership, my main form of exercise has been walking/running the dogs in my neighborhood. Which has been great for the dogs - they each lost 10 pounds of flab this past year - until I underwent surgery and had to take 4 weeks off of exercising. The first three weeks after Lena's birth, they were awful! Especially Puck. He would jump up and run to the back door every time I shifted or stood up. I kept threatening to find them foster homes for the month.

So when I was cleared to resume walking last week, I was excited to get out of the house and exercise the dogs again. But I wondered how well it would go with the addition of a stroller. The dogs often pull me so that they can stop and mark a bush, etc.

Yesterday I decided it was time to try out a walk. It had rained for a few days and the dogs were overdue. Much to my amazement, they were FANTASTIC. Puck stayed right by my side and did not pull or try and stop once. Nugget stayed on Puck's other side and only tried to pull over a few times. We passed all the houses with vocal dogs and the didn't get overexcited or lunge for the gate. We even passed the greyhounds and their crazy owner (both dogs have been bit by the male greyhound) and they didn't flinch. The best part was when a fire truck passed us and Puck started howling (so cute!). I was so proud of them; they realized with the baby they needed to be on their best behavior!

Lena at 1 Month

Lena,
You are one month old today! I can't say this month has flown by - in fact it seems to be trudging along rather slowly! But I wouldn't have it any other way; I'm relishing my time with you. At 1 Month, you:

-Have started smiling. Your smiles are my favorite thing in the entire world! You don't give them out frequently but when you do, you focus on the person and give them a huge grin. It can't be confused for anything else but a smile.

-Use your hands a lot. You like to cover your face with them when you're eating and you also use them to grasp onto my shirt, your blankets, and your bottle. You really look like you're trying to hold your bottle.

-Are much more alert than you used to be. You've started skipping your first morning nap and are also awake from 6 pm -8 pm. I call this time "Unhappy Hour" (no drink specials here). A friend of mine dubbed this time the "witching hour" with her daughter - such an appropriate term! You're a bit fussy and require to be held during this time. Though from what I've heard, your "fussy" is nothing compared to what it could be. When you're awake, you like to stare at lights and walls that are lit up.

-Are sweet and cuddly. Unless you're hungry (when you cry) you're content to lay on someone's chest and snuggle. It is heaven. We often sit like this for up to an hour after you feed, just because we both love it so much. That and if I put you in your bassinet, you wake up. :)

-Are social. You must take after your daddy, because you have no problem being held by strangers. You'll snuggle right up on them.

-Have started your babbling words. Your first is "a-goo." I have no idea what it means in your language, but you say it very clearly and with intent. When I repeat it to you, you smile.

-Make the funniest faces. It's hard to catch them all on camera, but you frown, furrow your brow, smile, purse your lips, roll your tongue ...

When I went to take your 1 month pictures in our new recliner, I put your stuffed fox next to you so we can track your growth. You turned your head, looked at it, opened wide, and latched onto his nose. No milk though!

Here are a few of the many faces you make:

 

 

BART baby

During my one month post-partum check up on Tuesday, I took away two key pieces of information. One: I was released to do light exercise (swimming, walking, yoga), yay! Two: I very badly needed to resume physical therapy for my pudendal nerve (the reason I has a scheduled C-Section). As luck would have it, there was an opening on Thursday morning at 9 am, so I took it. Having been a weekly visitor, the office staff knows me well and said if I was feeling up to it, I should bring Lena so they could meet her. Since Mike teaches on Thursdays, I didn't really have a choice so Lena was going to visit San Francisco for the first time!

I'll admit I was nervous. Babies are unpredictable. I had visions of her getting hungry and crying for the 32 minute BART ride. Or, more realistically, her getting hungry and me breastfeeding on BART. I literally cannot listen to her cry. I have a very visceral reaction and NEED to calm her. I am 100% sure I would breastfeed her on BART just to make her happy. It's not the breastfeeding in public aspect that horrifies me here. It's the a) potential calliber of people on BART I'd be entertaining (and eliciting comments from) and b) see my blog post on the study on the cleanliness of BART seats. There would be copious amounts of antibacterial hand sanitizer added into the equation.

However, I wasn't going to let the fact that I was nervous prohibit me from bringing her. If I could just get over the first time, subsequent times would be easy. So, I made sure to give myself plenty of time and we set out. I fed Lena right before we left and as usual, the car ride to BART (even though it's only 3 min) put her to sleep. And she stayed asleep throughout the train ride. And my physical therapy appointment. I had visions of a frustrating appointment spent calming her down but she rocked it! Since it had been three hours since she ate and the doctor's office is in Union Square, I set off for the ladies lounge at Macy's to feed her. She literally woke up as we were walking into the bathroom. Our walk in Union Square lulled her back to sleep and she slept through me grabbing lunch, riding on BART, and an hour after that. Of course, she was up for six hours after that, but I won't complain. We both went to bed at 6:30 pm tonight.

Success!



Getting ready to leave with dad



Waiting on the BART platform



Sleeping on BART (and yes, after I took the picture, the screens went up!)

Sleeping through her first visit to Union Square

 

Union Square getting ready for Christmas with 200 foot creepy Brady Pitt in the background

A rare awake moment during the trip

 

Oh, I do miss BART.  Here's a guy feeding a husky on his back in the Powell station.

 

On the train ride home

Four hours later; not a nap in sight.