Fast forward five years.
Jasper is one of those stereotypical, I'll-love-you-when-I-want-food, pet-me-when-I-want-it cats. The only times he's affectionate are when 1) he's really sick or 2) we're moving. He absolutely FLIPS when we move (and this is our fourth move with him). He was abandoned when he found us and I'm pretty sure he's terrified that we'll leave him, too. So when I scored a truckload of free boxes on Craigslist this week and threw them all in the garage, he started flipping out. Gone was our aloof cat. In his place was a super needy, clingy replica. That first night, he woke us up with his cries EVERY hour all night long. I gave him more food. He woke me up. I let him out the front door. He ran to back of the house, came through the kitty door, and woke me up. He sat staring at me while I slept and would let out little "MEOWs". He sat on my laptop while I tried to work. He cried outside the bathroom while I took a shower. For a few days there, I was exhausted. Then, he calmed down a bit. Until two nights ago.
I was awakened at 1 am by Mike, who very calmly said: "Babe, wake up, there's a gopher in our bed." Thinking that Mike was either a) sleep-talking (which he never does) or b) pulling my leg , my reply: "Shut up." I mean, the guy was completely composed! Here's a rundown of our conversation after that:
"No, Christy, wake up. There's a gopher in the bed." Again, completely composed.
"Shut up."
"Babe, I just felt it's f-ing foot. I'm serious! There's a gopher in our bed. Jasper brought it in and put it on me. I thought it was Merlin so I started petting it and then I felt it's foot. Can you please turn the light on so I can get it out!"
"Oh, SHIT! Okay." Turns to side table to turn light on. Light bulb is out (has been for about a week). Jumps out of bed and runs to doorway light switch. "Ok, on the count of three, I'm going to turn the light on. One, two, three...." Simultaneously turns light switch on and bolts down hallway to bathroom. Locks herself in bathroom. Yells through door: "Okay, just get it out, I don't want to look at it."
" Are you serious?" Laughing. "You've trapped rats for two jobs! You scraped dead rats out of cages in Hawaii! How can you not be able to look at this?"
"I dunno, it's in my house, it's in our bed, I can't! Just through it away, PLEASE!" Not composed.
"Okay."
Listens to Mike's steps as he walks from bedroom to garage and pens garage door. Hears a little bit of clanging. Garage door shuts again. Slowly opens door and peers through it. No one in hallway. Steps out of bathroom. Mike jumps into the doorway, holding a dead rat wrapped partially in a sock. "Who ate all the pecan sandies? Charlotte? I named him Templeton! Get it, after Charlotte's web?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
