Perspective

Today we visited our friends Erin and Jerry in the hospital and met their precious two day-old daughter Olivia. Since Erin was seven weeks behind me, she was one of my pregnancy buddies. It was really fun to go through the roller coaster of a first time pregnancy with a friend of 17 years!

When Erin texted me Thursday night that she was in labor and they were headed to the hospital, it really brought me back. Even though I never went through labor, I was thinking about what it was like to drive to the hospital, knowing the next time I got in the car and drove home, it would be with our daughter. How surreal and scary it was to walk into the operating room and know that I was just minutes away from hearing my baby's first cry. The look of pure joy and excitement on Mike's face when he stood up and saw Lena coming out of my belly and turned to me and said "She's beautiful!" The feeling of relief and "oh I finally get to take a nap!" after Mike went into the recovery room with Lena (the spinal reeeeally relaxed me and I was struggling to stay awake). The feeling of completeness as Mike and the nurse brought Lena to snuggle against my cheek in the OR and we decided she would be Lena and not Isla.

I could go on and on. (And really need to finish writing her birth story before I forget it!)

I wouldn't say I was being nostalgic though. Because the truth is: I'm so excited Lena's getting bigger and older. I hope it goes without saying that I love my daughter to pieces. But I did not love the newborn stage - it's quite rough! I appreciate that Lena and I understand each other pretty well now. When she cries, I usually know why. I can find the rhythm she needs to put her to sleep. I love that that ability makes me feel like a good mother. I love how alert and active she's becoming. I love that she's becoming more independent. I can put her on her activity mat in her Pack N Play and she can entertain herself for 15 minutes now (I love the squeals of excitement that a hanging stuffed bird can elicit from an infant!) while I take advantage of having two hands to myself. I love that she thinks I'm the funniest person in the world at 5:30 am. I really love that she's sleeping in five hour stretches at night. It's fun to see her neck muscles getting stronger. I look forward to one day holding her on my hip while she looks around and greets the world. I can't wait for her to sit up in the tub and play with toys at bath time, or play with the dogs. I love how dang cute she is - that she looks quintessentially "baby" - and I can start to envision what she's going to look like as she gets older. It was really a trip to see Lena next to Olivia. Olivia is just a few ounces smaller than Lena was at birth and Lena looked huge and chunky-monkey next to her! I love that I'm 90% recovered from my surgery (could a return to running be in my future?) and my hormones are 90% back to normal (holy shit those first two weeks were rough!).

For now, I'm going to enjoy this "looking forward" to Lena growing up. I'm pretty sure in six months I'll be saying that time is moving too fast and she's getting too big. And when I do, please remind me to reread this post so I can make a new list of things I'm looking forward to.

I'm so excited for Erin, Jerry, and Olivia. They have so much to look forward to. Erin, over the next few weeks, time's going to feel like it's moving so slowly! But during those hard times, know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and now that I'm out of the newborn haze, it really does feel like that time passed relatively quickly!